Single Mom
I don’t think I ever really thought about what it would be like to be a single Mom. I’ve seen lots of single moms and even know several single moms, but to know what their life is like on a daily basis, I never put much thought into. If there are any single moms out there reading this, feel free to comment or correct me.
I imagine it’s lonely. I mean, you are by yourself on a regular basis with only a child or children to interact with. I would think it would be pretty difficult to have a deep conversation with a 3 year old.
The single mom must cry a lot too because at the end of a long day, she has to climb into bed alone, exhausted, and maybe the one thought on her mind is how she wishes she had someone to share this time with. Someone to have pillow talk with or snuggle with.
It must be hard having to be Mom and Dad at the same time….how does one even do that? How do you be the mom and be the male figure in a child’s life when you have never been a man yourself…
Single moms must be tough as nails. They probably are the strongest and most resilient women one might ever meet because at the end of it all, they endured, they suffered, but they also conquered. They came out on the other side and didn’t NEED what other thought they did.
This is an ode to single moms. Thank you for raising beautiful, smart, successful children. For being everything to them-mom, dad, nurse, teacher, cook, cleaner, chaperone, and taxi. You are what it’s all about. I mean, yeah, the married people have good stuff too, but there must be some sense of accomplishment when a mother who did it all by herself can look at her kids and say “yep, that was all me. And I did DAMN good!” 🙂
Working Mom
I’ve been thinking about this one for a long time, but there is definitely lots to say on this subject. I am a working Mom. I have to be honest and say that there was a point in my life where I felt that I didn’t have a choice of whether I would be a stay at home mom or go back to work. Financially, I just didn’t see how it could be possible for me to stay at home, so it wasn’t a hard decision when Elise’s 1st birthday began rolling around, that I started looking for a job.
After we had Georgia, we made the same decision, that I would go back to work when my Maternity leave was up, but I have to honestly say that this decision was not so much based on our finances as it was on my sanity. I say this with all seriousness…I loved being at home with my kids, HOWEVER, I went through a long period of post partum with Elise and then having both kids in the month of September meant winter coming and me being stuck inside with no car available to me or anywhere to go with 3 month old and 2 year old.
I have to admit, the days were hard and lonely. There was no one to talk to (well, no one to have an adult conversation with) and no real happiness to my day. I felt like I was just going through the motions of making meals, doing laundry, and cleaning WHILE playing with the kids and keeping them from going stir crazy in the house. It was hard and I have no qualms about saying that. By the end I was happy to be going back to work, I wanted to do something for myself and contribute to something other than my house.
I have always said that I could not be a stay at home mom. This is where I get the horrified gasps from other moms because they just cannot comprehend why I would not be ecstatic to be at home with my children. I don’t think this makes me a bad mom. In fact, it makes me a BETTER mom because I know what I can and cannot handle…I can’t handle being at home all day, so it makes me a better mom to be able to go to work and do what I enjoy and then come home in a proper state of mind to be able to care for my children.
My mom stayed at home with me and my brother, so I think she didn’t fully understand why I would go back to work and this is the response that I get from most people. But at the end of the day, each mom has to do what they feel is best for themselves and their family. No one is more right or more wrong. We are all just trying to get through the weeks and years while raising our children to the best of our ability and if that means staying at home OR going to work, then so be it.
Stay at home moms make the argument that they don’t want other people raising their kids…I have to admit, this is a damn good argument…I don’t want other people raising my kids either!!! That’s why I make the most of MY time with them and I make sure that I am setting THE BEST example of a wife, mother, and friend. I make sure that there are life lessons in EVERY activity we do and every conversation we have. I don’t think that either method of raising kids is more correct than the other, just like breast feeding or bottle feeding, but that’s a whole different argument. I think if we are loving our children to be their best and are raising them with values and integrity, then THAT is what makes all the difference in the world.
Kidspeak
Most of you know that I work with kids. I teach a JK/SK split class, but spend time with other ages as well throughout the day, so from time to time…no let me correct that, practically everyday, I hear kids say something that just cracks me up…kids say some of the funniest things I have ever heard, hear are some of those stories…feel free to add any you may have.
1. Sitting at the lunch table beside one of the boys in my class, he’s not eating his lunch, just squeezing my upper arm and staring off into space. He turns to me and says “I like your jellies.”
2. Elise is sitting in the backseat telling us about something she did that day, something she was particularly proud of, so Ted says “Elise! You’re awesome! You should give yourself a high five.” She pauses to think about it and responds “No Daddy! That’s just clapping!”
3. Anytime Georgia makes a smart ass comment like “Mommy, don’t talk to me right now.”
4. Georgia told her teacher that one of the kids in her class “smells like stank.”
5. One of the girls in my class who just started at the daycare has taken to wearing her hair the same way that I do. So one day she says “Miss Jordana, let’s wear clips in our hair tomorrow, okay?” So I agreed to wear a clip. The next day I come in to work and she sees me, NOT wearing a clip and says “Noooooooooooo!!!! You didn’t wear a clip, I wanted to be sisters!!!”
6. Laying in bed with Georgia at home after her surgery and she says, completely out of the blue and while we’re supposed to be napping, “Mommy, the lady cut my hair on top.”
7. 7am-“I want cookies for breakfast” Honestly!!! What makes them think that today of all days, just out of nowhere you’re going to agree to cookies for breakfast. You’ve never had a sweet for breakfast in your 4 years of life, but hey, maybe today is the day that Mommy has gone crazy and will agree to this request! Really?!
8. The day we moved into our house and Ted and I had spent 2 weeks painting the house, Elise walks into her room and says “I don’t like pink anymore, I like purple…can I have Georgia’s room?”
9. “Dear Jesus, thank you for all the good dreams you give me and help the Cananians win hockey.”
Discipline
Ahhhh discipline…that word you hated hearing your parents say and never really quite understood what it meant. Long before I even thought about having kids, before Ted and I even met, I knew what I did and DIDN’T want to do when raising and disciplining my future children. We all have things that we wish our parents had done differently and these thoughts are the ones that scared me the most when I realized I was going to be a parent.
I can clearly remember saying things to my mother and thinking things about my father that I completely regret and could change. Now that I am on the other end of that, it is terrifying…I don’t want my children growing up with ill will towards me. This is where discipline comes into play. Not only in the sense of teaching your children right from wrong, but also in the sense of having discipline. Knowing when to speak and when to be silent. When to just give a hug or a kiss and when to have the humility to apologize and ask for forgiveness.
Ted and I have tried to instill wholesome characteristics into our girls, but when it comes down to it, it’s all about us. We can talk to them ’til we’re blue in the face, but if we aren’t showing them how they should react in certain situations, they will never learn and therefore never know. I don’t ever remember either of my parents saying sorry to me. And yet I know they’re not perfect. So this was one thing I was bound and determined to teach my girls-how to apologize sincerely to someone and how to forgive someone. I have to be honest and say that in Elise’s short 4 years, I’ve apologized to her at least 10 times, if not more. Some of you may be thinking ” wow, this girl has messed up as a parent A LOT!!!!” But to me it’s not about how many times I’ve messed up. I’m human, I’m going to mess up and I will never be a perfect parent. The point is that it’s about my girls knowing that when I make a mistake, I have the humility and the courage to come to them and say “hey, Mommy shouldn’t have done that, I’m sorry, will you forgive me?” This is not to say that you shouldn’t think before you speak or act, of course when it is entirely possible, but it won’t always be entirely possible.
I try to teach manners, courtesy, kindness, love, humility, thoughtfulness, etc. to my girls. I try to show them how a woman and a wife should act and how to love God and have a relationship with him. That is what discipline is, teaching, encouraging and nurturing the best out of your child. Discipline is not all about time outs and lectures and sending your kid to their room…it’s also about teaching and shaping because it is a responsibility that only you have. God gave you that child to mold. So the next time you’re freaking out because your 4 year old didn’t say “hello” to the old lady at church, think about everything else that is important too…personality traits that will last a lifetime and trickle down through generations.
Part deux
January 14, 2007. Round two! This time followed with much excitement and anticipation. We had a goal and a plan…a sibling for Elise. Almost 3 weeks after finding out that I was pregnant, Ted and I hit a major bump in our marriage. I won’t go into details, but it was a rough year let’s just say.
This time around I was feeling anxiety, but for a completely different reason. I’m not going to lie…being pregnant and going through a “rough period” in your life is not exactly the nicest thing. The added stress kept me up at night and had me feeling very sad and confused. But we pressed forward and commited ourselves to each other and making our marriage work. It hasn’t been easy, but we’ve survived and I sort of pride myself on being a survivor…pushing through the hard stuff and coming out stronger on the other side.
So on the holiday Monday of Labour Day weekend, Ted and I were chilling out and doing a puzzle (yes, we like puzzles) when Ted suggested I pack my suitcase for the hospital. I was dead set against it having had Elise a week late and not being due for another two weeks. We even had a fight about why I should/shouldn’t do it, but to put his mind at ease, I gave in and packed the stupid bag. Good thing I listened to him for once! The next morning after Ted had gone to work, I rolled over in bed and felt my water break. I was still not convinced I was in labour, but called him anyway and told him to start heading home to take me to the hospital. I proceeded to take my sweet time having a shower and tidying up our room while waiting for him. Even after arriving at the hospital, I thought they were going to send me home.
Boy was I wrong! We arrived at the hospital at about 9:30am and 3 hours later Georgia Louise Mae was welcomed into the world. Love at first sight again. Then extreme excitement to see how Elise would react to her little sister…we are blessed because our girls love each other to the max. As parents we try to instill a sense of kindness and love into our children, but Elise took to Georgia instantly and to this day acts as if she is her second mother.
Here I sit 2 years later and look at these most precious gifts from God and wonder how I deserved such goodness. They are everything to me. They keep me going when I think I can’t go anymore and they make me want to fight harder for them and for our family. When I feel like giving in and giving up, I just have to look at them and know that I am here for a purpose and that God has given me this divine opportunity and responsibility to raise them to be the best women that they can be.
So what does the future hold? A Part Three??? Who knows, but whatever happens, I know that THESE two were given to me for a reason and I plan to fulfill that duty to the very best of my ability.
Part 1
December 26, 2004. Ted and I were shocked to find out that we were about to embark on one of the most exciting and scary adventures of our lives. We had been married just over a year and we found out we were pregnant. Yikes! was my first reaction, but as time went on began to accept the changes that were taking place in my body and my life. We were living in a tiny basement apartment that was perfect for just the two of us…we were having a great time being newlyweds and living our new life together. So we were surprised to say the least at this sudden revelation of new life.
I had a pretty rough pregnancy at the beginning. I remember morning sickness, not being able to eat certain foods and general discomfort. I also remember the very first time I felt the “baby” move. I was working at a daycare in Richmond Hill. Ted and I carpooled which meant I had to be dropped off very early so that he could get to work on time. I was sitting in the staff room waiting for my shift to start when I suddenly felt a wave in my stomach. From that point on, I knew what I had to do and for the first time since finding out that I was pregnant, I was more than willing to do whatever it took to protect this life. Now don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I didn’t want the baby, but up to this point it hadn’t felt real and this “movement” was sort of proof that there was really something there to be loved and taken care of.
So I finished off my pregnancy with no major bumps and Elise Faith Rose was born on Monday, September 5, 2005-Labour day, go figure. I fell in love immediately…and for those moms out there, you know what I mean, it is instant and intense and it goes far beyond what you feel for your husband. I remember that first night so clearly…here we were a 22 year old couple with a baby! I felt like I had to prove myself for some reason. And it was hard.
I remember telling Ted that I didn’t want her and that I wanted him to take her back to where she came from. My days were spent sleeping, feeding her and changing her. I had no desire to do or be anything. And I had no one to talk to.
It was a very sad and dark time in my life and I’m not proud of the feelings I had, but I know now, looking back and talking to other moms, that this was “normal.” When you’re pregnant everyone tells you about labour and clothes and what type of bottles or soothers are best, but no one EVER tells you might feel after you’ve had the baby. Well, I made it through and here I am four years later. The one thing I can say is that no matter what your child looks like or what personality they end up having, they are a complete and utter blessing from God.
“Every child comes with the message that God is not yet discouraged by man.” -Rabindranath Tagore
Hello world!
I have decided to start a blog…I guess I made this decision based on the fact that I have wanted to blog for a really long time but just never got up the energy to start it or do it. But here goes…for anyone that knows me they know that I work with kids and that I love what I do. One of the specific things that I love about what I do is that I get to work with kids with special needs. I would like to say that it is a passion of mine to help those children reach goals or do things that people thought they would never do. My own kids are also a very important part of my life and who I am today. I short, the theme of my blog will be about children. The challenges, the joys, the struggles, the TRUTH. I hope that anyone that reads my blog will be inspired or helped or even just given a laugh because that’s what being with a child is all about, being free to feel whatever you want to feel and be whoever you want to be.
A Child's Worth 